There were times this week when I thought the universe was laughing at me. The time I thought was right to start decreasing my anxiety medication the world thought it would test me. It felt like it was saying what else can I send you to cope with. But as I write this I know that I’m doing OK.
Ethan is still testing us. He is throwing things and laughing about it. It is exactly the same as last time but this time I’m trying to keep myself emotionally detached from the actions. Just taking things off of him and making be quiet gestures. Little E is older now and she is taking the brunt of his actions. He is desperate for her attention and trying to gain it from negative actions. It has been causing some real siblings battles. Ethan really is out of sorts at the moment and this is the result. I’m sure we follow this pattern every year after Christmas.
Another way the universe has wanted to test me this week is in the form of hospital appointments for a family member. These appointments came out of the blue and were quite urgent. Thankfully all is well but it was something I wasn’t expecting to have to deal with this week.
One thing I have noticed this week is that I am laughing more. I must admit that I am wondering if reducing my tablets has made me start to feel stressed again. Uncontrollable laughing is never a good sign, right? But I also think that perhaps reducing my tablets is letting me connect with myself again. When I started taking the tables one of my friends told me the tablets made them feel detached. I was never really aware of that feeling. I do know though that things have happened whilst I have been on them and I thought perhaps I should feel angrier about it. I’m proud of myself for getting through this week and I’m actually really enjoying laughing more.